SITE UPDATE [11/5/18]
As you know, The Bird Inspector is an independent news organization that will never bow to any corporation so we can provide unbiased truth and hard facts about our friends in the sky. This is, however, slightly difficult, as site administration can get expensive. Due to various expenses (coffee, hosting, stench extermination, etc.) certain concessions have to be made in order to provide the best user experience here at The Bird Inspector.
Starting today, adverb usage will drop around 36%. Punctuation will increase 20%, with 8% more question marks, 16% more periods and 4% fewer exclamation marks. (due to the high tax rates in certain countries, interrobangs will no longer be utilized.)
Our article output will not be affected by these changes, but my diet definitely has been. While I and the rest of the Bird Inspector staff strive to provide thought provoking, informative articles, I know that I must make certain sacrifices for the good of the foundation. For example, the money I would usually use for food has been diverted to site hosting. I may not have eaten anything in 2 days, but we've uploaded two different articles in the past week. I may not be meeting my caloric intake by consuming the Ritz crackers I found in the back of my now-empty pantry, but I'm supporting the biggest independent purveyor of bird-related updates on a weekly basis.
Finally, we will be saving money on fonts as much as we can. This will be the last article written in Times New Roman. Due to the expense in royalties, all articles will now be written in Helvetica. We apologize for any inconvenience or confusion this may cause, but it must be done.
Unfortunately, I don't have the energy to finish this update. Thank you all for sticking with us through these tough economic times. We hope you enjoy!