About Us

The Bird Inspector

       Please note that this page will be regularly updated as I uncover more information about our authors.


     The Bird Inspector is an independently run avian-centric news website written and edited by Jacob Brewer, Jason Lee, and Riley Clauss. Any questions you may have can be directed to admin@birdinspector.com, contact@birdinspector.com, jacob@birdinspector.com, jason@birdinspector.com, help@birdinspector.com, info@birdinspector.com, and defense@birdinspector.com. We own the domain so making these emails is pretty easy.

          Riley
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          Height: 5'11"
          Weight: 163 (12/04/2018)
          Successive Wins: 18
          ELO: 2045
          Special Skills:
               - Doom (2016)
               - German B2
               - Technically has 14 extra bones
               - Terraforming
       
          "The most American thing since the Constitution. The only thing that can defeat this being is
            Vietnam. His courage is unparalleled, like a steam engine powered by nuclear fusion."
                  - The New York Times

          FOR SALE: $240 or best offer (Extra bones also for sale, contact bonesales@birdinspector.com)
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          Jacob
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          Height: 6'4"
          Weight: 124 (12/04/2018)
          Successive Wins: 23
          ELO: 2750
          Special Skills:
               - Punching
               - Kicking
               - Fluent in French
               - Pile Drivers

           "A man made of pure sexual energy. There has yet to be born a person that could neither be
            immune to his sexual charms or impervious to his flurry of attacks."
                 - GQ Magazine
       
         NOT FOR SALE, CANNOT BE CONTAINED
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Jason
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    Height: 6'4"
          Weight: 190 (04/16/2019)
          Successive Wins: 874
          ELO: 3
          Special Skills:
               - Sneaking
               - Eating Ungodly Amounts of Food
               - Making Bad Situations Worse
               - Magic

           "This man radiates power. Every atom of his being is swarming with the raw force of the cosmos. In his presence the falsehood of Life is cast away to reveal we are nothing but pawns in his mind, created of Him. Created by Him. Created for Him. Relent, or become a worm beneath his Yeezy's."
                 - Ellen Degeneres

           ANY BONES BOUGHT FROM RILEY CAN BE RESOLD TO ME. I REPEAT, RILEY WILL NOT ALLOW ME TO HAVE ANY BONES.
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     The Bird Inspector has no affiliation with Downy, Bounty, Brawny, or Scott. Any similarities either real or imagined are pure coincidence.

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