10 Reasons Why Blue Jays Are So Much Better Than Stupid Bluebirds

Wowee! A Blue Jay! Do you guys see this magnificent winged creature, all covered in blue? Look at that little boy's blue head! His wings! His deep blue plumage! Take in all the subtle details of this bird's greatness, his raw superiority. Look in his eyes. This bird knows how to be a gentleman when needed, but also knows how to use all that beak-strength to crack open some acorns, mostly just because he can and it impresses his friend Mike (who's just like a beetle or something that can't crack open acorns), but occasionally he does it because this man needs the sweet acorn nectar to survive. God, what a sick nasty bastard.

And now there's this child. This not-sick-nasty tiny man. Who knows what his deal is? He probably stole that food from our friend, the Blue Jay when he wasn't looking, because he is just worse and doesn't have the pure beak-strength to get his own food, like a useful addition to the avian society. Go ahead and compare and contrast which bird is better, even though it doesn't matter if you do or not because 1. Nothing you say can make me change my mind, and 2. I'm about to make it easy and just tell you which one is better, so forget anything about opinions because everything I'm about to say is a cold, hard fact.

1. I Just Don't Like Bluebirds

Here at The Bird Inspector, we are bird experts, that's why we're allowed to have this website. So trust me when I, a professional, say that bluebirds just aren't very good. 

2. Bluebirds Aren't Even All Blue

They're really gonna let themselves be called blue birds even though they have like 2 other colors on them? Ridiculous. They probably purposefully made themselves objectively bad birds because they feel guilty that they stole such a cool title from another bird that might actually be all blue. As they should.

3. Blue Jays Are Like Twice the Size of Blue birds

Blue Jays are factually much larger than bluebirds, meaning one blue jay could probably take on two or more blue birds without even breaking a sweat.

4. Beaks

Blue Jays have cool, strong beaks, and I'm just going to assume bluebirds don't.

5. Bluebirds Are Sexist

Okay for real though, bluebirds genuinely need to pick up their slack. According to this article comparing an contrasting bluebirds, female bluebirds have duller, less vibrant colors than their male counterparts, while Blue Jay males and females are both bright, beautiful, and magnificent blue feathered. Bluebirds also rely on the females to build the nests and take care of the baby baby boys and girls of the fleet. Blue Jays have both male and female birds building nests and roosts, and both mother and father take care of the children. Bluebirds are sexist and mean, and Blue jays are just wonderful all around.

6. Blue Jays Are Bad Ass

Blue Jays will literally just kill other birds. Maybe they're just territorial, or maybe they're just doing it for a Klondike bar, for whatever reason, they have been known to chase and kill smaller birds for food or territory. They have even been known to fight bats and win, which would be a lot cooler if the bats weren't blind.

7. Timothy

My favorite Blue Jay, Timothy, once gave me 20 bucks when I was down on my luck. Would a bluebird do that for me? Probably not. Especially not my local bluebird, Jeremy.

8. My Local Bluebird, Jeremy

Jeremy stole the 20 bucks from Timothy and has been sitting on my bike seat for four and a half hours so I can't go home. Please help me.

9. Blue Jays Are Loyal

Blue Jays often mate for life, meaning they find a bitch and they love that bitch forever. That's what I'm talking about, you go Blue Jays. Bluebirds sometimes stay with a single partner through the mating season, which really isn't helping their case.

10. Just Look

Trustworthy, good listener, wants to hear about your troubles.

Doesn't care about anything other than getting more food. Will shit in your socks.

Well, folks, you heard it here first about how much better blue jays are than blue birds. Please heed my advice and don't listen to anything a blue bird says, no matter how plump he is. Stay safe during migrating season, because that's when they strike. Blue Jays will drop gifts and candy from the sky. Bluebirds? I hear they're working and Little Boy and Fat Man #2. Be careful everybody, and have a great week.