Frustrating Friday Night for the L.A. Macaws

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Hello Reader. It is with great pleasure that I welcome you back to The Bird Inspector. However, Reader, it is with great displeasure that I report the absolute destruction of my favorite bird football team.

"It was fucking embarrassing." said the head coach of the L.A. Macaws, Kent Rogers. In the world of bird football Kent Rogers is known for two things, the frequency at which he drops F-bombs and being a terrible coach, and this Friday we saw a healthy amount of both in the game against their rivals, the Tacoma Talons.

It's been an amazing season thus far for the Macaws mostly, in my own personal opinion, because of their star quarterback Jimmy Clawson. Well, I'm sorry if this is the first you're hearing of it, but early in the first half Clawson sustained a crushing beak injury that, according to the bird doctors, should keep him out for the rest of the season. Actually, Reader, I'm not sorry if this is the first you're hearing about it. If you're so 'devastated' by the news maybe you should've watched the game. 

"It's just ridiculous! It is not safe or practical to have these birds play football." said Dr. Thomas Walters, the Aviary Veterinarian at the Carlson Animal Hospital in Los Angeles. "It's like dog fighting or something. It's dangerous for the birds and I'll never understand why or how it continues to hold so much public interest."

This, Reader, is what we like to call a hater. That's the problem with medical professionals always doubting and advising against. Have you ever felt encouraged by a doctor? I would suspect not. It's always the same damn story, "You're putting unnecessary strain on your respiratory system." They say. "The brain damage is what's causing all of your other health problems." They say. Whatever. All I know is that I love bird football and I'm not going to stop huffing glue. See you next week Reader.

 This article was written by Jacob Brewer. For more information about our authors navigate to the About Us page. 


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