Say Goodbye to Owls


Hello Reader, welcome back to The Bird Inspector. I apologize that I can't be writing on a lighter topic. This is because when I searched 'bird' on google images the first photo that stood out to me is the one you see above and I thought it would be funny to write an article using it. It probably comes as equal news to you as it did to me at the time, but now I get to filter it down to you because you're not smart enough to google anything other than the word facebook because you don't have it bookmarked. Well maybe you do have it bookmarked, but I bet you're far too 'busy' to actually broaden your interests, especially in an aviary capacity. Oh yes the news.

Owls worldwide have been disintegrated. On January 13th, 2021 the WOPO (World Owl Protection Organization) issued this statement. "In late October of 2020 our research team found that the owl population was rapidly decreasing. This concerned our teams and more research was starting to begin on their dwindling numbers. They we're disappearing so quickly we had no idea what to do so we started moving as many owls as we could to our free range conservatories. After reviewing our 24 hour surveillance systems we discovered that the birds were actually disintegrating. This organization will be officially disbanding on March 1st 2021 as we project there will be no owls left by that time." 

As it turns out their estimates were extremely optimistic. All owls are actually gone as of yesterday. I checked myself for several hours outside my home and several of the surrounding neighborhoods. I may have even searched farther. I don't know. I just remember screaming "Where are you? Where are the owls?" and walking for so long, so long. Then I don't remember a lot. I think I went to a convenience store to get some water because I was so thirsty, yes thirsty I think. I used my searching methods in there too, but it was to no avail. Then I remember this big red light of angry energy, like someone was yelling at me really far away. But to make a long story short, I didn't find anymore owls. If you would like to make a contribution, you cannot. For it is too late to do anything about. I will write the remainder of this article in French:

À plus tard. Ton garçon,

Jacob Brewer


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