Bird Counting: If You Must, Then Do It Like This
Hello, Reader. I come to you with a question: How the hell are you supposed to count all of these birds? Like actually... what? How long does it take for scientists to do this? They must spend hours on end just counting birds. And what if the birds move? Wouldn't the scientists forget what birds they've already counted? At the bird expo I talked about earlier this week, we definitely heard a lot of statistics about bird populations, and I can only imagine two methods in which counting this many birds is possible.
1. The Net Method
Now this method requires a few things:
- a helicopter or vantage point
- a group of birds to count
- a net
- a solid throwing arm*
- pen and paper
2. The Ballot Method
What you will need for this method:
- a table
- a chair
- a megaphone
- a lot of pre-numbered ballots
First take your megaphone and (this is where you can get creative) announce some sort of giveaway/drawing, but to enter each bird must take a numbered ballot. Once all the birds have taken a ballot you simply look to see how many were taken. The hard part is telling all the birds that there is actually no prize at all. I wouldn't recommend using this method, Reader, because, quite frankly, letting all those birds down really makes you feel like shit.
*If your throwing arm isn't too good then bring a friend with you who does! Bringing a friend can be a fun bonding activity.
**I'm going to assume you're serious enough about bird counting to own your own helicopter.