Get a Load of This Asshole
|Ryan F. Mandelbaum|
Greetings, fellow bird enthusiasts! With the holidays coming and going, and the year coming to an end, I'd like all of you to join me in trashing on this guy's bird opinions. In Ryan F. Mandelbaum's article from last Tuesday, Dec. 25th, he shares his opinions about what bird should be the poster aviary animal for the Christmas season, and, being completely honest? I have never seen someone be so objectively wrong. Please read the article, because I haven't, I had to stop after the first few paragraphs because I got tunnel vision and subsequently carpal tunnel. If you don't want to read the article just to spite the bird loving man on the other side of your screen, I get it, so here's the gist; 'Red crossbills should be the official Christmas bird, fuck the other, far superior birds, I'm wrong and don't deserve an opinion or a place to share it'. I'm here to call your bullshit, Ryan. This man literally searched 'bird' on Getty images and chose the first one he saw, do some research, like I did. After 2 minutes and 47 seconds I found this bird, the alpha Christmas bird: the Christmas Frigatebird.
|Boom. There's my boy.|
Let's take a look at Ryan's choice for official bird of Christmas, the red crossbill:
|Little boy that'll steal your ice cream cone|
Take specific note of his little beak that got messed up on an evolutionary scale. This is what it looks like when I try to use chopsticks, just ask Riley (I'm getting a lot better though, I'll keep you guys posted. It'll come to me any day now!). Ever seen someone get socked in the face in slow motion? Thought not, our eyes don't work that way yet, but I'm pretty sure that's what it would look like.
In all honesty, I don't hate red crossbills, and this article is all in good fun, but as a bird lover, when I see such slander it must be addressed. Happy holidays everybody, and make sure the Christmas Frigate bird doesn't see you stealing bricks from the outside of your neighbors fire place and replacing them with Oreo packages because you 'need them to build a tower bigger than your friend Nick's'!