We Went To The Bird Store!
Hello, Reader, and welcome back to another great day and another great article about the wonders of birds. Today I would like to address the outlandish myths about birds not being real? These rumors are not only ridiculous and confusing to all that hear them, but harmful to the livelihood and efforts of the avian friends around you. What do birds do you ask? A plethora of loveliness? A deliverance of joy? A thoughtful, piercing screeching increasing and decreasing in volume respective to the amount of water they see? All of these things and so many more to bring such joy to your little baby boy 'I don't know how to appreciate these damn birds' ears. THE BIRDS ARE REAL, PEOPLE. And can you guess which one of your favorite bird authors has two thumbs, three ears, and a whole bunch of proof? Yeah that's right. This fucking guy.
Sorry what's that in that picture? Is that- what, birds? Is that birds in front of your very eyes? Yeah that's what I thought. "They're stuffed. Fake." And if I say "Bullshit"? Exactly. Guess who's discredited? This fucker that thinks these birds are fake. I saw them with my eyes (I like the way they look), I felt them with my hands (I enjoy the feel of feathers), and I squeezed them with my fingers (I like the noise. The sound that comes out). I felt the presence of their God, and I squeezed him too, for he was looking delectably squishy. They are real, Reader. The birds are real. Thank you for hearing me out, and now that you know the facts, on to the rest of the article:
I Lied, Analysis Pt. 2
I Just talked to Haylee about the long and arduous process of these articles, and she has the gall to ask me if pigeons are Russian spies. Have you ever asked yourself 'what the fuck' before? Because now you have. How outrageous! Russian spies! I need just one person to get it into their heads that birds are actually real so that I can take a rest from constantly defending their honor. Anyone who doesn't believe birds are real should join me in my war against the bird maker. We've made great headway since I called him out in my article explaining the anatomy of a cockatoo, and we've only lost one bird (we have no idea where the fuck Jeremy went and frankly, I'm concerned). If my scratches and tales aren't proof enough of birds then I'm afraid I don't know what else to say. Don't worry though I'll figure it out. And finally without any further ado, let's talk about the adventure Haylee and I had at the bird store:
We Went To The Bird Store!
And what an adventure it was.
Thank you for being here once more, Reader, everyone here at Bird Inspector greatly appreciates, and is really feeling your presence. Have a great week! I'll see you next time Reader!