There Is No Way This Is Real

Reader! It's been a few weeks since we last saw each other and let me tell you it was kind of a relief to not have to experience your lack of bird knowledge, real fun time. Man that sounds mean, please, Reader, let me try to explain in terms you will understand. Let's say you know a whole bitch ton of stuff about one topic. For your example let's use something you're especially familiar with. So you know a lot of dumb stupid things that no one really cares about, and you are trying to spend time with people who are too cool for you and don't know a lot of dumb stupid things that no one really cares about. Now this would be aggravating for you, correct? All I'm saying is that sometimes I need to surround myself with people that know things, that's all. So without further ado, I will present to you something that 100% cannot be real;

No Way!

*the chump fucks in question

Check it, kid we got this picture and lemme tell you it strikes me quite something terribly CHUNKY funky. Now for someone less educated in aviary trivia (nothing wrong with that, that's what I'm here for), this picture seems completely normal. Well my friend, if you'll allow me, I would absolutely love to flip your world upside down. If you do not consent to this, stop reading immediately. 

What's Wrong With The Picture, Jason?

I will tell you

Who the FUCK cut that lemon? We all know birds can't hold knives! We all know that some of them don't even have hands! Especially not these two *chump fucks! Birds wanna eat a lemon, they'll beak it open like a little animal, they aren't gonna cut it! This picture is staged, and cannot possibly be real. Probably aren't even real birds, what with all this Photoshop nowadays. I don't even know what these birds are they are without a doubt fake. I know I lured you in with a cute picture just to slander it for you and I apologize for that, but it had to be done.

I have nothing to say to you, Reader. The article's done, go be oblivious at someone else.

-Jason